2 months and my birthday...

so it's been about 2 months since my last post...
I started getting antsy about being done and so I had 3 fills where we did 75cc on the left and 50, 50, & 25cc on the right. I have been in so much pain the last 3 1/2 weeks since the last one, I think it was too much too quick :(
Let me start over...
I had my 29th Birthday last week!! Yay!!
Except not, and it's not the "oh I'm getting older" problem, it's the "I really thought I would be done by now and I would have a reason to celebrate my last 20's birthday..."
I'm tired of asking friends for help like playdates, and, well, playdates is really the only thing I have asked for. It is still so hard somedays for me to get the kids out of the house because it still hurts so badly physically.
I have a few friends (one that has been amazing and came for 2 visits for a week each time from another state, "we love you A!!"), that said maybe this is God's way of showing you how to ask and accept help. Ok, then why has almost everyone within an hour of me practically forgotten about me?
Hubby has started a new job, one that seriously landed in his lap and hard as we tried to walk away from the amazing offer, they just kept upping the offer until we could no longer say no (on a time resraint, they needed him to start the following week!). He now works there Mon-Thurs leaving at 8am and coming home usually around 11pm. Our Studio project is also gaining momentum and he has been doing 10-14 hour days all weekend except sunday, we go to church as a family so he usually does 6-8 hour days so he can spend a little time with us...
Our goal is still for him to be able to go full time in the studio in the next year and with the way buisness is picking up, it looks like the dream could become a reality!
My parents have been huge supporters, they have their own lives and jobs. My dad works full time and is also what some would call a part time preacher/teacher as well as my personal researcher when he isn't researching and learning for himself or someone else. My mom works 2 almost full-time jobs outside her home but regularly goes into overtime working from home, while also learning and creating her own program and being in buisness for herself, and a Bible school teacher... this is ignoring her being my ear to vent to and most importantly our regular sitter for our kids, and at times our transportation when I hurt too much to drive, and our on-call "helper".

We are still Homeschooling. Butterfly is almost half-way done with 1st grade, beaming about her first "report card" and still chugging along getting 6-10 days done each week even though we regularly only do school 4 days a week!
Ladybug and Tweedle are learning and enjoying the many crafts and science experiments, as well as Ladybug learning her letters! We are planning to start Ladybug in Kindergarten (with a plan to do the lightwork one year and then full work the following year) when Butterfly starts 2nd!
It's been months since Doodle has come to visit, he got braces and is doing well in school even taking some advanced classes. We really enjoyed seeing him last weekend.

Oh and we got a new 2 month old puppy a few weeks ago... housebreaking is still rough but life is starting to feel normal with only 1 animal in the house.

I am falling behind. I am in a lot of pain. I am coming on my self-imposed deadlines with little to no progress to show for it... I'm starting to fight my depression again.. I'm struggling with seeing the next step, much less the way out.

The phone call was 6 1/2 months before my birthday... things moved quickly and we had a plan and things would be hard for 4-5 months then I was supposed to have weeks or months of normalacy between the harsh reminders that I am becoming a survivor... 3 months between surgeries is long enough to recover, have some "normal" time then do prep to get us through the next one.

I am trying to look forward even with the emergency surgery that has set me back, even with our current insuarance issues ( that should be cleared up next month?) and even through the daily pain.
I am trying to create vertical space in my home on a penny budget, so that we can have a home for everything so that I can find order in my home and that alone should help releave some stress.
We have joined a homeschool group and will start attending weekly group meetings in a few months.
I hope to find a few moms to understand and support/help me find a way to feel some control over this crazy time.
Homeschooling, with 2 toddlers, with Hubby working 10-14hrs/day - 7 days/week, trying to re-organize the house, all while becoming a breast cancer survivor... I know it can be done, I've heard of others who have done more.. I CAN do this, I just struggle with making and sticking to a plan.

"No boobie should ever pop!'

What a week!!
Butterfly's Birthday Party went really well. We surprised her with ponies that came to give her and her friends rides. Her friends each took 1-3 rides, but Butterfly kept riding and riding until her hour was up :)

Our friends from out of state made it in the night before so we had 4 parents and 8 children in the house. Made for fun bedtimes!! We had fun taking the kids to COSI & the Zoo. Then hanging out around the house. They decided last minute to stay the rest of the week, so we all went to my parents for a cookout and some fireworks.

We hung around the house catching up on sleep and laundry the next day. Then in Celebration of one child's Birthday, we started to get ready to take them all for a trip to the mall. As I started getting dressed, I noticed a nickel sized black spot on my lump where I was supposed to be watching for changes.
A call to the Dr and I was heading into an appt instead of the mall for some fun.
My Husband was able to meet me there and help me calm down as the Dr explained that I needed more fluid removed to release some pressure on that side, then we were changing things for monday. Instead of an appt, I was going in for surgery.
So yesterday: Doodle was at his moms, Butterfly had gone to her fathers house for the weekend, we helped our friends get packed up and they left, then my parents came to get the littles. Ladybug was ecstatic about going, but Tweedle had no desire to leave mommy.

Tweedle and I hung out, eating chips and watching TV. He dropped his cup off the couch and when i reached for it, my left arm got wet. I realized my shirt was really wet, my white bra was wet and yellow, and my soft pad was soaked through. When I pulled it off to see the problem, I had yellow fluid gushing out a small pin hole.
We finally reached the Dr and he said to soak gauze in peroxide and put that on the hole. He doesn't want me to go through emergency surgery if I don't have to so we are trying to keep things under control until my surgery... less than 40 hours from the time it popped open.

The Dr called me this morning to check on me and said as long as the hole stays smaller then a quarter (it is now slightly smaller than a dime), we are fine to wait until tomorrow. I'm still supposed to call him if something changes, but we are hoping to stick with the plan so that he can do the surgery and things go the way we discussed.

We don't want any surprises, but if there are some, he wants to be there so he can take care of them and knows what happened for future planning with my treatment.

This is a rare problem, it doesn't usually happen. So we are pretty sure it won't happen again, but as I have learned time and again the past couple years; Life does not come with any guarantees!

Basically, I'm starting over with fills on that side and this is going to extend the amount of time that I have to wait before getting my final 2 surgeries, but it's not a permanent problem and I can still finish doing what I was trying to do... get to the point where I can live my life without a constant reminder that my body was broken. Just be a mom, wife, business owner... a person that can physically do what is needed and doesn't need constant help.

For now I have to go back to "bedrest" for the next few weeks, and take it easy after that too. We finally have a few sitters that I can trust alone with my kids so I can focus on getting me back to where I need to be and rest when my body needs it, confident that my kids are having fun and being taken care of!!