2 months and my birthday...

so it's been about 2 months since my last post...
I started getting antsy about being done and so I had 3 fills where we did 75cc on the left and 50, 50, & 25cc on the right. I have been in so much pain the last 3 1/2 weeks since the last one, I think it was too much too quick :(
Let me start over...
I had my 29th Birthday last week!! Yay!!
Except not, and it's not the "oh I'm getting older" problem, it's the "I really thought I would be done by now and I would have a reason to celebrate my last 20's birthday..."
I'm tired of asking friends for help like playdates, and, well, playdates is really the only thing I have asked for. It is still so hard somedays for me to get the kids out of the house because it still hurts so badly physically.
I have a few friends (one that has been amazing and came for 2 visits for a week each time from another state, "we love you A!!"), that said maybe this is God's way of showing you how to ask and accept help. Ok, then why has almost everyone within an hour of me practically forgotten about me?
Hubby has started a new job, one that seriously landed in his lap and hard as we tried to walk away from the amazing offer, they just kept upping the offer until we could no longer say no (on a time resraint, they needed him to start the following week!). He now works there Mon-Thurs leaving at 8am and coming home usually around 11pm. Our Studio project is also gaining momentum and he has been doing 10-14 hour days all weekend except sunday, we go to church as a family so he usually does 6-8 hour days so he can spend a little time with us...
Our goal is still for him to be able to go full time in the studio in the next year and with the way buisness is picking up, it looks like the dream could become a reality!
My parents have been huge supporters, they have their own lives and jobs. My dad works full time and is also what some would call a part time preacher/teacher as well as my personal researcher when he isn't researching and learning for himself or someone else. My mom works 2 almost full-time jobs outside her home but regularly goes into overtime working from home, while also learning and creating her own program and being in buisness for herself, and a Bible school teacher... this is ignoring her being my ear to vent to and most importantly our regular sitter for our kids, and at times our transportation when I hurt too much to drive, and our on-call "helper".

We are still Homeschooling. Butterfly is almost half-way done with 1st grade, beaming about her first "report card" and still chugging along getting 6-10 days done each week even though we regularly only do school 4 days a week!
Ladybug and Tweedle are learning and enjoying the many crafts and science experiments, as well as Ladybug learning her letters! We are planning to start Ladybug in Kindergarten (with a plan to do the lightwork one year and then full work the following year) when Butterfly starts 2nd!
It's been months since Doodle has come to visit, he got braces and is doing well in school even taking some advanced classes. We really enjoyed seeing him last weekend.

Oh and we got a new 2 month old puppy a few weeks ago... housebreaking is still rough but life is starting to feel normal with only 1 animal in the house.

I am falling behind. I am in a lot of pain. I am coming on my self-imposed deadlines with little to no progress to show for it... I'm starting to fight my depression again.. I'm struggling with seeing the next step, much less the way out.

The phone call was 6 1/2 months before my birthday... things moved quickly and we had a plan and things would be hard for 4-5 months then I was supposed to have weeks or months of normalacy between the harsh reminders that I am becoming a survivor... 3 months between surgeries is long enough to recover, have some "normal" time then do prep to get us through the next one.

I am trying to look forward even with the emergency surgery that has set me back, even with our current insuarance issues ( that should be cleared up next month?) and even through the daily pain.
I am trying to create vertical space in my home on a penny budget, so that we can have a home for everything so that I can find order in my home and that alone should help releave some stress.
We have joined a homeschool group and will start attending weekly group meetings in a few months.
I hope to find a few moms to understand and support/help me find a way to feel some control over this crazy time.
Homeschooling, with 2 toddlers, with Hubby working 10-14hrs/day - 7 days/week, trying to re-organize the house, all while becoming a breast cancer survivor... I know it can be done, I've heard of others who have done more.. I CAN do this, I just struggle with making and sticking to a plan.

Getting back to normal

A quick update, it's been 6 weeks since my urgent surgery from my Left lump popping open...
The skin on that side looks so much healthier now, it looks like the Right side, except that it is still shaped like a football not yet a baseball :(

I had another fill yesterday. We only put 50cc in so I'm up to 200cc on the Left and still 325cc on the Right. I was a teensy bit sore but nothing that a little ibuprofen couldn't handle. I think most of the soreness had more to do with picking up the littles... they are about 30 and 40 lbs now!

Speaking of which I need to get everyone in for well checks next month. This month has been rough, with Hubby's paychecks being smaller after they take out time for him going with me to appointments. So dumb!! We are struggling again right now, but God has seen us through everything else so we just have to keep trusting He will get us through this too.

Today I'm taking the kids on our typical grocery shopping trip... but it's the first typical one in MONTHS!!! I'm so excited to be able to try it by myself again!!
We need to get regular groceries and things but also specific things for this weekend.
My parents are treating us with a trip to Cedar Point!! I can't wait to go on some real roller coasters with Butterfly this year :) Ladybug will love going on the kiddie coasters and I'm sure Tweetle will enjoy the little rides too. I really hope that Doodle has fun this time, he says he wants to go but he did not enjoy himself when we went 2 years ago. I hope this time is different.
They are buying Fast Passes so we can skip the lines to ride on coasters, meaning I actually get to ride on coasters this year!! With Hubby!! Yea!!!

So life is starting to find a new normal. Hubby is actually getting some clients into the studio and is starting to make a little money from that. I am doing a whole house overhaul!!
Rooms are being rearranged, cleaned, organized and set up for more funcionality. We are purging a LOT! I want to have a garage/yard sale and the rest will be donated. We need to get stuff out of here but I hope to make enough on some things to get some extra money into the shoe and clothing fund for the kids. They ALL need new shoes!

I think that's it for now, if you didn't catch it yes, I'm cleaning and moving things... I'm doing more around the house!!! Somedays it's really hard and I don't get much done but most days I feel very accomplished at being able to see the progress I'm making.
It's nice to finally be able to do and not need to delegate and wait for everything anymore.

No Drain!! and plans change...

This week has been another roller coaster...
Monday I went in to my appt and because the drain was pulling almost nothing out, they decided it was more than safe to pull it out (small ouch). Then the staples did not yet look ready to come out, but we agreed to a small fill 50cc, to make sure things are ok before we pull 1/2 the staples out next week.
This fill... I was a bit sore, like a workout. NOT the horrible pains, spasms, and inability to breathe like previous fills on that side!! I'm thinking something was always wrong :(
I had taken some things to help me relax in anticipation of a staple removal, and by the time I came home they were all hitting me full force and I took 2 - 3hr naps and then felt much better. I have a corner of the expander that is poking me in the middle of my chest and causing me a bit of pain, but other than that I'm not in much pain unless I stretch the skin (pulling the staples causes pain and a tiny bit of bleeding).

In other news, my husbands job has been horrible this week! They are removing him from team meetings (making it harder for him to do his job) and told him that he can't take anymore time off this year or he won't get paid... which violates the company's PTO/No PTO policy (basically, as long as you do your job they don't require you to be in the office for 40 hours every week).
So now we are trying to figure out how to make things work financially with our home buisness not yet open and a threat of him being fired hanging over our heads like a storm cloud with no indication of when it will start raining... today? tomorrow?? next week? not until his next review in January?? we don't know but each day it seems to be getting closer and this leaves us with a very uneasy feeling every single day :(

So we are trying harder to trust God and wait for his leading... and yesterday a check came in the mail (a return from our insurance for the same amount that we were concerned about being short on this month!!
For us it was just one more thing confirming that we are on the path God wants us to be on!