Thursday, July 26, 2012

No Drain!! and plans change...

This week has been another roller coaster...
Monday I went in to my appt and because the drain was pulling almost nothing out, they decided it was more than safe to pull it out (small ouch). Then the staples did not yet look ready to come out, but we agreed to a small fill 50cc, to make sure things are ok before we pull 1/2 the staples out next week.
This fill... I was a bit sore, like a workout. NOT the horrible pains, spasms, and inability to breathe like previous fills on that side!! I'm thinking something was always wrong :(
I had taken some things to help me relax in anticipation of a staple removal, and by the time I came home they were all hitting me full force and I took 2 - 3hr naps and then felt much better. I have a corner of the expander that is poking me in the middle of my chest and causing me a bit of pain, but other than that I'm not in much pain unless I stretch the skin (pulling the staples causes pain and a tiny bit of bleeding).

In other news, my husbands job has been horrible this week! They are removing him from team meetings (making it harder for him to do his job) and told him that he can't take anymore time off this year or he won't get paid... which violates the company's PTO/No PTO policy (basically, as long as you do your job they don't require you to be in the office for 40 hours every week).
So now we are trying to figure out how to make things work financially with our home buisness not yet open and a threat of him being fired hanging over our heads like a storm cloud with no indication of when it will start raining... today? tomorrow?? next week? not until his next review in January?? we don't know but each day it seems to be getting closer and this leaves us with a very uneasy feeling every single day :(

So we are trying harder to trust God and wait for his leading... and yesterday a check came in the mail (a return from our insurance for the same amount that we were concerned about being short on this month!!
For us it was just one more thing confirming that we are on the path God wants us to be on!

Saturday, July 14, 2012

"mommy, where you other nursie go?"

Earlier this week I had surgery. My left side was not doing well with being expanded because my stretch marks from my babes had made the skin too thin on the outside and somehow I had an infection on the inside.
Short version I had an area on the lower half of my left lump where the skin had died and popped open, the infection was leaking out and the skin was dying around the open hole as well.
So my Dr gave me immediate surgery to remove all the dead, dying, and infected skin as well as the old expander. He cleaned me out, put in a new expander, another drain and stapled me up... yes, stapled!!
He says its the easiest way to prevent another infection but I'm extremely anxious about getting them removed in a week and a half.
The drain is another story, they don't want to remove it until I get a fill... I can choose to get a fill when they remove the staples, but after my body having such issues with my fills before it would be better for me to wait until 2 weeks later to get my first fill, then have my drain removed after that... so a month with my drain in :(

A few days later I knelt down to help my 2 yr old open her string cheese and she peeked in my shirt (yes I had my surgical bra on) and pointed to my left side, "mommy, where you other nursie go?"
I explained that I had an infection in it, and she remembered that the drain was to take the infection out and make me better. She asked to gently touch my other one then looked at me and smiled, "you getting better Mommy! you nursie is good!" ... atleast she approves of the one I have!

Now for waiting, and slow fills to get that side up to where the other one is already, then we can move forward...
It might take a full year from when I started, but then I believe I will have my MRI every other year and it should be 15-30 years before I will need my silicone replaced.
....I'm looking forward to finding my "normal life" again.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

"No boobie should ever pop!'

What a week!!
Butterfly's Birthday Party went really well. We surprised her with ponies that came to give her and her friends rides. Her friends each took 1-3 rides, but Butterfly kept riding and riding until her hour was up :)

Our friends from out of state made it in the night before so we had 4 parents and 8 children in the house. Made for fun bedtimes!! We had fun taking the kids to COSI & the Zoo. Then hanging out around the house. They decided last minute to stay the rest of the week, so we all went to my parents for a cookout and some fireworks.
We hung around the house catching up on sleep and laundry the next day. Then in Celebration of one child's Birthday, we started to get ready to take them all for a trip to the mall. As I started getting dressed, I noticed a nickel sized black spot on my lump where I was supposed to be watching for changes.
A call to the Dr and I was heading into an appt instead of the mall for some fun.
My Husband was able to meet me there and help me calm down as the Dr explained that I needed more fluid removed to release some pressure on that side, then we were changing things for monday. Instead of an appt, I was going in for surgery.
So yesterday: Doodle was at his moms, Butterfly had gone to her fathers house for the weekend, we helped our friends get packed up and they left, then my parents came to get the littles. Ladybug was ecstatic about going, but Tweedle had no desire to leave mommy.
Tweedle and I hung out, eating chips and watching TV. He dropped his cup off the couch and when i reached for it, my left arm got wet. I realized my shirt was really wet, my white bra was wet and yellow, and my soft pad was soaked through. When I pulled it off to see the problem, I had yellow fluid gushing out a small pin hole.
We finally reached the Dr and he said to soak gauze in peroxide and put that on the hole. He doesn't want me to go through emergency surgery if I don't have to so we are trying to keep things under control until my surgery... less than 40 hours from the time it popped open.
The Dr called me this morning to check on me and said as long as the hole stays smaller then a quarter (it is now slightly smaller than a dime), we are fine to wait until tomorrow. I'm still supposed to call him if something changes, but we are hoping to stick with the plan so that he can do the surgery and things go the way we discussed.
We don't want any surprises, but if there are some, he wants to be there so he can take care of them and knows what happened for future planning with my treatment.
This is a rare problem, it doesn't usually happen. So we are pretty sure it won't happen again, but as I have learned time and again the past couple years; Life does not come with any guarantees!

Basically, I'm starting over with fills on that side and this is going to extend the amount of time that I have to wait before getting my final 2 surgeries, but it's not a permanent problem and I can still finish doing what I was trying to do... get to the point where I can live my life without a constant reminder that my body was broken. Just be a mom, wife, business owner... a person that can physically do what is needed and doesn't need constant help.
For now I have to go back to "bedrest" for the next few weeks, and take it easy after that too. We finally have a few sitters that I can trust alone with my kids so I can focus on getting me back to where I need to be and rest when my body needs it, confident that my kids are having fun and being taken care of!!