Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Looking forward… or my new dream for a safe birth

With just over a week until our planned induction... I have to have a plan.

I posted earlier on Ladybug’s birth… I touched on Butterfly’s too.
I want to first add that while I wasn’t there, Doodle’s birth impacts my Hubby and his views.
Doodle’s mother had a rough pregnancy and a hard hospital delivery that gave her a very difficult recovery. She quickly decided that it was too much and she had no desire to ever change Doodle’s status as “only child” and while that works fine for her, Hubby always wanted more.

So while we both wanted to try for children together, as long as we did so safely and carefully; we had different ideas of what that meant to each of us that we had to talk through in our first months of Ladybug's pregnancy.

When I started having serious issues in Ladybug’s pregnancy, he immediatly tried to convince me to listen to my gut and walk away from the midwives advice and get another opinion (sadly I mistook this for him wanting to take back his agreement to be open to more natural possibilities, when it was really just worry and concern)…

The night they told us that they would not help us through a homebirth; he quickly took over making decisions but showed me that he simply cared and wanted the best for us, he stood by my side and tried to voice our dreams and desired plans to the hospital staff so that we (I) could still have as much as possible from our birth plan.

That night, ignoring the fears and complications and issues in the hospital, we grew closer.
I finally understand why some women have said that they fall in love with their husband all over again when they see him hold their child for the first time. I have so much more love, and trust and respect for my husband after the birth of Ladybug.
Many fears that I had trouble letting go of after my first marriage are finally gone. Concerns that came from a failed marriage and an absent father in Butterfly’s first few years have disappeared. I truly have the best husband in the world!
For now, I will spare you the gushes...
I have put him through a lot in the past year since Ladybug was born. My post-traumatic stress and daily panic attacks for her first 5 1/2 months, 2 almost good weeks, then exhaustion and panic attacks for a few months until we found out I was pregnant (we conceived BD when Ladybug was only 6 months), then crazy life issues/events arising, and me just feeling overwhelmed.
Lately I have been prepping (nesting?) like crazy and now with just over a week until BD’s induction, I’m a bucket of complaints and still he takes it all in stride!

We finally started writing a Birth Plan for BD. Hubby actually had to convince me that it was worth the trouble so that we could try for what we wanted… well, out of the choices we have.
 - I know most women want a hospital birth, most of those are happy with the hospitals “normal procedures” and other than the basic: laboring with or without drugs, rooming-in or having the nursery keep the baby, and whether to breastfeed or bottle feed, many moms don’t question (or know they can question?) much more of their experience.

It’s the little things that mean so much to me. I want to have freedom in trying positions since laying on your back is the hardest position to push through. We want him placed on my bare chest to start bonding immediately instead of being rushed across the room. We want the cord to stop pulsing on its own before Hubby can cut it. We want him circumcised, and we want him to keep his own natural vernix. Along with not wanting drugs, wanting to breastfeed, and wanting him to room-in.
The silly things like wanting to wear my contacts so I can see him right away… There’s more but I will save that for later.

The point is that Hubby is showing me that there are still things that I want, and the hospital and DrM are willing to try to give me since overall this pregnancy is uneventful and “normal”… other than the fact that I have to be induced as my body does not go into labor on its own (do your own research before calling me crazy, I just wish I was wrong), but that’s not “bad” to me… I know once I get the pitocin I will have a short labor and we will get to meet our son pretty quick.

It may not be the same dream as the first or second time, but today my “dream birth” goes like this…

 - - We leave the girls early in the morning with my parents and head to the hospital after a cup of coffee, breakfast, and a shower for each of us. We go into our room, I change and get hooked up to the IV. We calmly talk and Hubby jokes and teases me for a couple hours, and we have an uneventful and fairly short labor and delivery. Our son is placed on my chest and doesn’t have any problems. (Hoping our older kids can come meet him at this time…) We bond until it’s time for me to move to the post-partum room while Hubby and BD head to the nursery for him to be weighed, measured and get his security band put on. He has his circumcision without issue. We have a short, uneventful stay in the hospital with our older kids free to visit us often. Then, we go home and have a quick recovery and easy transition into parenting our 4 children with 3 of them under 5 yrs old. - -

Yes it’s a dream, and this time I don’t expect it to go that smoothly. I have hope that it will, but my expectations or needs for this birth are to simply avoid a need for a c-section or excessive drugs, avoid extra medical intervention for our son, and be able to leave together after a few days. Then I hope to avoid post-partum stress and depression.

Simply at the least, I need what most would consider “typical and uncomplicated”. While I hope for more, Hubby is helping me to realize that as long as our son and I are healthy and unharmed, we had a successful delivery.

I am finally ok with that.

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