Saturday, October 27, 2012

2 months and my birthday...

so it's been about 2 months since my last post...
I started getting antsy about being done and so I had 3 fills where we did 75cc on the left and 50, 50, & 25cc on the right. I have been in so much pain the last 3 1/2 weeks since the last one, I think it was too much too quick :(
Let me start over...
I had my 29th Birthday last week!! Yay!!
Except not, and it's not the "oh I'm getting older" problem, it's the "I really thought I would be done by now and I would have a reason to celebrate my last 20's birthday..."
I'm tired of asking friends for help like playdates, and, well, playdates is really the only thing I have asked for. It is still so hard somedays for me to get the kids out of the house because it still hurts so badly physically.
I have a few friends (one that has been amazing and came for 2 visits for a week each time from another state, "we love you A!!"), that said maybe this is God's way of showing you how to ask and accept help. Ok, then why has almost everyone within an hour of me practically forgotten about me?
Hubby has started a new job, one that seriously landed in his lap and hard as we tried to walk away from the amazing offer, they just kept upping the offer until we could no longer say no (on a time resraint, they needed him to start the following week!). He now works there Mon-Thurs leaving at 8am and coming home usually around 11pm. Our Studio project is also gaining momentum and he has been doing 10-14 hour days all weekend except sunday, we go to church as a family so he usually does 6-8 hour days so he can spend a little time with us...
Our goal is still for him to be able to go full time in the studio in the next year and with the way buisness is picking up, it looks like the dream could become a reality!
My parents have been huge supporters, they have their own lives and jobs. My dad works full time and is also what some would call a part time preacher/teacher as well as my personal researcher when he isn't researching and learning for himself or someone else. My mom works 2 almost full-time jobs outside her home but regularly goes into overtime working from home, while also learning and creating her own program and being in buisness for herself, and a Bible school teacher... this is ignoring her being my ear to vent to and most importantly our regular sitter for our kids, and at times our transportation when I hurt too much to drive, and our on-call "helper".

We are still Homeschooling. Butterfly is almost half-way done with 1st grade, beaming about her first "report card" and still chugging along getting 6-10 days done each week even though we regularly only do school 4 days a week!
Ladybug and Tweedle are learning and enjoying the many crafts and science experiments, as well as Ladybug learning her letters! We are planning to start Ladybug in Kindergarten (with a plan to do the lightwork one year and then full work the following year) when Butterfly starts 2nd!
It's been months since Doodle has come to visit, he got braces and is doing well in school even taking some advanced classes. We really enjoyed seeing him last weekend.

Oh and we got a new 2 month old puppy a few weeks ago... housebreaking is still rough but life is starting to feel normal with only 1 animal in the house.

I am falling behind. I am in a lot of pain. I am coming on my self-imposed deadlines with little to no progress to show for it... I'm starting to fight my depression again.. I'm struggling with seeing the next step, much less the way out.

The phone call was 6 1/2 months before my birthday... things moved quickly and we had a plan and things would be hard for 4-5 months then I was supposed to have weeks or months of normalacy between the harsh reminders that I am becoming a survivor... 3 months between surgeries is long enough to recover, have some "normal" time then do prep to get us through the next one.

I am trying to look forward even with the emergency surgery that has set me back, even with our current insuarance issues ( that should be cleared up next month?) and even through the daily pain.
I am trying to create vertical space in my home on a penny budget, so that we can have a home for everything so that I can find order in my home and that alone should help releave some stress.
We have joined a homeschool group and will start attending weekly group meetings in a few months.
I hope to find a few moms to understand and support/help me find a way to feel some control over this crazy time.
Homeschooling, with 2 toddlers, with Hubby working 10-14hrs/day - 7 days/week, trying to re-organize the house, all while becoming a breast cancer survivor... I know it can be done, I've heard of others who have done more.. I CAN do this, I just struggle with making and sticking to a plan.

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