3m, 2m, 1m, today...

Exactly *3* months ago, I had my first appt with the Breast Specialist to check the lump I had found (on referral from my OBGYN).
We discussed the ultrasound I had had a few days before, the pain and struggle of the past 3 weeks from the large lump in the middle of my chest, and the possibilities of what the lump could be.
Then he looked at it and then decided to try a needle biopsy, OUCH!!

I have a very low tolerance for pain, unless it's "pain with a purpose" like pregnancy and birth.
I was quickly reminded of this, as the Dr tried unsuccessfully to do the first failed needle aspiration...
He kept poking and barely got a few drops of blood to come out.

Fast forward a month...

Exactly *2* months ago...
I had my breast biopsy. After the Breast Specialist had tried everything (more needle aspirations, more ultrasounds, antibiotics, and had me wean my 11 month old immediately) and sent me to meet a surgeon. I had the second surgery in my whole life!
I had my tonsils taken out about 5 years ago, like many people and it was nothing out of the ordinary... besides, I knew lots of other people who had gone through it so I never thought that  much about it.
But a Breast Biopsy?? I didn't know anyone that had gone through one of those!
I had fully convinced myself that it was no big deal, I mean who wouldn't if almost a dozen different Drs had specifically told you "don't worry, we're almost sure it's not cancer!"... So my husband and I didn't worry... until they called me 4 days later with the news.

Exactly *1* month ago...
I went out with 2 of my closest friends. We had a "girls night out" just the 3 of us! We started with Jeni's ice cream before our dinner at North Star. We were all dressed up and had a great time talking and hanging out with no distractions from any of our children (in all the 3 of us have 11!).
It was their way to help me have a great night and not worry about the surgery that was coming up in a few short days. They helped me see that while many people know that I have cancer, I am not defined by having cancer. It is simply a part of who I am now, but I am still a mom, wife, daughter, friend... person!

So here I am *today*.
It's been a week since my 2nd fill and I'm doing the best I have since the surgery. I have loaded the dishwasher a couple times, I have done a few loads of laundry, I can dress myself, take care of my own shower (except my hair still), but can even put my own hair up (with my head down between my knees, lol)!
Today has brought on a new challenge...
My scabs are coming off in clumps with my new bra. I have barely gotten used to the way I look with my scabby scars and I don't feel ready to see what's underneath. I know that I have many more changes to go through before I can start getting used to "the new me" but I hadn't thought to get ready for this, I was focused on convincing myself to go through with another fill so I would only have 2 left after next week...

So now I go from feeling like a scabby monster to feeling like a wrinkly, lumpy monster...
I simply hope that someday I will again feel like a person and no longer feel like a monster.