Saturday, May 15, 2010

Home is where the heart is...

So we moved about 6 months ago. We found a house and from the moment we saw it, my husband and I wanted to make it our home. We have barely begun to put our personal touches on it.
It was a fixer house, but still fairly new. So we spent a lot of time with our personal plumber :) and painted some walls and changed some flooring. There's a huge list of things we still want to do to make it "our house" but it has our name on it and it holds our things, with room to grow.
Sometimes it still feels like a dream... a wonderful dream, but just doesn't seem real that I have my own house. It's my dream house... just missing a fireplace and a bay window, but if I never get those I have more than I imagined off my list of dreams I wanted in a house.
So I sit here in my house, and wait... enjoying the peaceful night again as the girls are sleeping, only one on me tonight. - It's been a week of the house feeling like something is missing, feeling very... empty. Hubby is on a trip out west for work. Just our 2 little girls and I are home and somehow without him, the house feels almost, too big. Sadly the house only feels full when all of us are here, so most of the time it feels like something is missing since our son doesn't live with us full time. But this week the empty feeling is bigger. I feel like something bigger is missing. My heart. Or part of it... it travels with him when he's gone. Hopefully it keeps him company, but a part of me, a part of our family, a part of our home is missing when he's soo far away.
At night is when I notice it the most. Our house is at the end of the cul-de-sac with nothing behind us. It gets very dark outside and we love to keep the windows clear so we can see the dark night out the back. Tonight it again feels like everything is disappearing into that darkness. Especially my ability to sleep well, or some nights like tonight.. 
Thankfully it won't feel like that for long, Hubby comes home tonight!!
He may have to leave again soon for a short trip, but he's coming home tonight!!
The girls and I will wake up to see him and hug him instead of holding a phone.  The coffee pot will make a full pot instead of a small partial one so the house will fill with the smell of coffee in the morning.
The house will feel safe and warm and back to normal again, and my heart won't feel like I'm missing a part of it :)
The first change I will notice though? Sleep, I will sleep deeply when he gets home. Instead of sleeping lightly so that I hear if anything happens, I will put all my trust and faith in him and sleep comfortably for the first time all week.
Our house is our home... but nights when he's gone, sometimes it just feels like a really big house.

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