Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mothers Day

A day to celebrate motherhood!
Today I woke up to my baby's smiling face, my husband giving me a small but wonderful present, and my older daughter trying to be good.
It was a great morning, and not a bad day! My husband had to leave for a buisness trip early in the afternoon, so now I have plenty of time for my mind to wander... and so I wonder about mothers today. I wonder about my own. Part of me feels bad that we aren't spending time with her today, but I am happy snuggling with my daughters and just hanging out today.

This is her first year with no kids at home as my two brothers moved in together out of state, the youngest just this past summer.
Isn't that a Mother's job? To help her children get to the point where they don't need her anymore? Years from now my husband will remind me of this when our children don't need us and are doing well on their own, I'm sure.
As I sit here snuggling with the baby, and listening to the sounds from the toy room... I wonder - am I being fair? If today is supposed to be about mom, is it ok to spend it as a mom with my kids, or should I make a way to spend it with my mom as well?
My mom and I have had our share of issues and I don't want to add something else for her to be upset about... but that's no longer a reason for me to change my plans, even if my plans are to have none.

My mom came into our lives when I was 16... married my dad right before I started my senior year in H.S and turned 17. Yes, I have put her through a lot, and she has put me through a lot too. We both had troubled childhoods and don't speak to our biological mothers for the safety and well being of our children, and now we both have changed each other's lives more than I think we expected to over the last 10 years. We have times when we are best friends and times when we can't get along... but isn't that the way it is with all mothers and daughters? I shudder to think that someday I will be on the other side with my own daughters.

My mom and I don't see many things the same way. We have drastically different ways of running a household, and totally different views on parenting. Her experiences are mostly with older children as my brothers were 10 and 15 when she entered our lives. As a "stepmom" I value her opinion when it comes to our 10 yr old son... but unfortunatly more often than not, I feel I have no one to turn to when I want advice for my daughters.
She is a mother solely by choice and love, she chose to marry my dad and become the only mom in the lives of us 3 children. I am a mother by choice and love to our son who still has his own mother as well, by surprise and choice to my first daughter and by desire and God's blessing to our baby girl.

The choices and decisions that we have each made have brought us to totally different points in our lives and sometimes I wonder if she could walk a mile in my shoes, knowing that I would not enjoy walking a mile in hers.
So what does one do when your mother is more of a friend than an authority or a person to look up to?
Do you put your feelings or hers aside when it comes to times when each person wants drastically different things?
I have finally started putting hers aside at times. Part of me wonders if by doing so I am setting myself up for heartbreak in the future with my daughters.
I am trying to have a completly different type of relationship with them than she was able to have with me... and I hope that years down the road, today will be the first of many and not the only Mothers Day that I spend as more of a mother than as a daughter.

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